- 4 large Portobello mushrooms
- Olive oil
- 1 green onion
- 1 teaspoon sugar
- 1 cup red wine
- To make a Vegan Rhino Cutlet, remove and discard the stems from 4 large Portobello.
- Cut the edges to make it kind of polyhedral. Lightly score the tops with a sharp knife to make small squares. This is purely to make it look a little more odd and less obviously mushroomy.
- Lightly brush the mushrooms with oil, place them on a cookie sheet and bake at 425 for 25-30 minutes.
- While that cooks, dice the bits you cut off the mushrooms, add one minced green onion.
- In a small sauce pan, bring a cup of red wine to a simmer and add the mushroom and onion bits and sugar. Allow this to reduce by half at least. The mushrooms in the wine will absorb a great deal.
- When the mushrooms in the oven are done, scoop a tablespoon or so of the wine-shrooms put it in a little heap on a plate, adding the cutlet on top of it. This will help the cutlet-shroom buckle somewhat, making it look a bit more peculiar (plus, when you cut into it, the absorbed wine will bleed out onto the plate…a nice effect!).
- Drizzle some of the wine reduction over the cutlet and serve.
It looked lonely on the plate, so I added a cucumber salad. I mean, um, grated Arcturan Mega-Donkey. Yeah. All you do is peel a cucumber, then use the peeler to cut wide, thin slices. Do this all around, down to where the seeds start. Then cut the slices into vermicelli-like strands, toss with a splash of olive oil and about ½ a teaspoon minced picked ginger.